Jenna posted some thoughts about failure and parenthood, something I've been thinking about for a while now. I remember when V was first born, being excited and in awe that she/we were a blank slate - no mistakes had been made. I knew it wouldn't last long (and it didn't), but there was something beautiful and hopeful about those first moments. I'm a perfectionist by nature - I love clean slates - new years, new projects - and I tend to be hard on myself when mistakes happen. Sometimes I just want to start over (I call a redo!), but obviously with motherhood (and really, most things in life), that is impossible. In V's short 9-week life, I've already let myself/her down more than a few times, and the guilt that goes along with that can be overwhelming, if I allow it to be. It's far too easy to give more importance to a mistake than the many things that I might actually be doing right.
A cousin posted this quote on her facebook status, and it resonated with me, as it's a sentiment I've been reflecting on for a while - "Who you are is not what you've been." I thank God for that - that I am not defined by my failures (or successes), but that I am a work-in-progress, hopefully learning from my mistakes. It is sink or swim - I can either be overwhelmed and focused on my failures, or I can learn from them, put them aside, and try to be better. Like most things in life, mothers are made, and I hope every day to make the little choices that help me to grow into a better wife, mother, and friend.
Anna, I don't know where it was, perhaps in one of the discussions you started by asking for diaper advice, but it recently struck me that parenting overseas has spared me the concept of parental guilt. I just have to believe that the self-esteem undermining American media has something to do with its prevalence back home. I've never read a US parenting magazine, or had a baby in the US, but if they're anything like women's magazines, their approach is to make the American public into a co-dependent, loyal readership. In any event, this isn't a plea for you to move abroad as much as a wake-up call that you don't have to fall victim to it! You do yourself, your family, and your baby the best you can. None of my parent friends in Ireland or Denmark, even the American ones have *ever* mentioned parent guilt to me in our hours of discussion about parenting. Almost all children, even those of stay at home moms go to daycare here because it's seen as a wonderful opportunity for socialization. Please, life and its ups and downs is relative. Would you really want Vera to have a perfect family to live up to? You're here to show her what life is, and help her live it, as a human. We're only human.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Genevieve! Yes, I hope to be able to leave the guilt behind, though it's easier said than done...
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